Smash instruments first. Flip off crowd. Leave stage. Do drugs (carefully avoid contraindications).

Today another lazy, booze-addled dipshit decided he doesn't have to be superman.

Interviewer:   Tell me your greatest weakness. Interviewee:   My honesty. Interviewer:   I don't think that's a weakness. Interviewee:   I don't give a shit what you think.

If spiders were smart, they'd build their webs in a more noticeable color so they wouldn't have to deal with all the gross bugs that keep getting stuck.

A guy walks into a dentist office:
Dentist: How can I help you today?
Guy: I'm a moth.
Dentist: Excuse me?
Guy: I'm a moth.
Dentist: Hmm. Well, I'm glad you came to see a doctor . . . but sir, I don't think I'm the kind of doctor you need. I'm a dentist--I think you may need to see a psychiatrist.
Guy: I'm a moth.
Dentist: Ok, you're a moth. But why did you come here?
Guy: Your light was on.

If you ever come across a sad, tragic clown, don't punch him in the face. It won't do either of you any good.